Sorcerers and Wizards (Part I)

In writing, like in dungeons and dragons, there are sorcerers and there are wizards. Wizards ply their trade through advanced study and a high-level understanding of the rules and structure of magic. Sorcerers draw on guesswork, innate ability, practice and charisma. There’s no point asking a sorcerer why he just changed tense, he doesn’t know.

This is my Sorcerers and Wizards Theory of Creative Writing (originally posted on my old blog, which I’d link to except it now redirects here and linking to my old blog from my new blog could literally cause the universe to end by creating an infinite regress).

Wizards and Sorcerers have different views on the best way to write

Sorcerers and Wizards are often at one another’s throats.
Sorcerer’s tend to think that Wizards are anal retentive hacks who write-by-rule and lack any creative panache.
Wizards tend to think that Sorcerers are lazy, unprofessional and sloppy.

Wizards point out that their writing tends to be of a consistent quality, that the sorcerer is undisciplined, prone to bouts of powerful prose followed by reams of unreadable drivel.
Sorcerers point out that Wizards may be consistent but they tend to be consistently average.

Don't tell me what to do I'm BEING CREATIVE!

Wizards say that Sorcerers lack basic knowledge of spelling and punctuation.
Sorcerers think that spelling and punctuation is an ideology comparable to National Socialism.

Wizards say Sorcerers don’t plan.
Sorcerers say Wizards don’t write.

Both think that the other aren’t real writers.

And on it goes.

It’s more than just idle speculation and a geeky D&D reference. It cuts right to the core of the whole idea of the Creative Writing MA/MFAs

If there’s one thing Wizards and Sorcerers like to disagree on more than anything else, it’s whether or not writing can be taught.

Being able to study writing is pretty much the Wizard version of really expensive drugs.
Really expensive drugs are the sorcerer version of really expensive drugs… to them a Creative Writing MA is anathema to all they represent.

The existence of the MAs has caused a lot of writers (mostly of the sorcerer variety) to come out and say some pretty pretentious things… Usually without any real knowledge of what goes on during a writing class. Which is fine, knowledge is for Wizards.
But I do think the question needs a bit more scrutiny.

"STOP USING COMMAS INCORRECTLY

I’ve always considered myself more Sorcerer than Wizard but here I am on one of the MAs… Like it or not, I can be a bit Wizardy and truth be told, I think the two can be reconciled.

But not only that, I think they can be reconciled in Part II of this post.

Which will follow at a less obscene hour of the morning.

Hero of the Week

My hero of the week is Ms Elly Nowell, who sent Magdalen College of Oxford a rejection letter after her interview.

Ms Nowell’s letter began: “I have now considered your establishment as a place to read Law (Jurisprudence).

“I very much regret to inform you that I will be withdrawing my application.

“I realise you may be disappointed by this decision, but you were in competition with many fantastic universities and following your interview I am afraid you do not quite meet the standard of the universities I will be considering.”

Should the university wish to “reapply”, her letter continued, “while you may believe your decision to hold interviews in grand formal settings is inspiring, it allows public school applicants to flourish… and intimidates state school applicants, distorting the academic potential of both”.

She said: “It was while I was at interview that I finally noticed that subjecting myself to the judgement of an institution which I fundamentally disagreed with was bizarre.

A lot of people express disagreement with the old institutions, whilst going along with their games at the same time.
It’s rare that someone has the confidence and conviction to reject them.

She doesn't need Oxford, she has an awesome hat (that contains an awesome brain)

All Images and quotes from the BBC article [Accessed 18/1/2012]

Doomsday?

Seen a lot in the news about Scientists setting the Doomsday clock to five minutes to midnight…

Personally I won’t be watching the skies for Adrian Veidt’s mutant death squid… Those who watch the news really closely will notice that they forgot to set the clock back an hour in October… Meaning that the real time is five to eleven, and we’re a whole hour and five minutes away from doomsday.

Take that science!

The Rejection Letter

My spam filter has been set up to detect strings like “good luck placing your work elsewhere” which saves me a lot of time which would otherwise be spent reading rejection emails.
  Sadly there is no way of performing this trick on my snail mail, and spam filters are pretty fallible, quite a few will slip through.

  When you mention rejection letters to people they tend to say things like “Oh WELL, the Bible was rejected 754,300,000 times before Jesus got it accepted by Cambridge University press and now it’s the most translated book of all time!” or “Oh rejection letters are just part of the job ignore them.
  The world is full of stories about great books that got rejected lots of times before finally finding success… You virtually never hear about great books that got rejected everywhere and ended up being burnt… you know why? Because they never got accepted anywhere! I mean sure, I do understand that sometimes books get accepted eventually but also, sometimes they don’t. I’ve never been able to empathise with people who comfort themselves by saying “maybe X will happen”. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t, it’s the future which is uncertain by definition. The FACT is that right now, it’s been rejected.

  As for the “it’s part of the job…” angle. It isn’t, it really isn’t. It’s like being a postman and every time you put a letter through a door there is a “Whheeeeeeeeeeee” sound and it pops back out again at every house on the street. You then come home with a full sack of mail, wondering how exactly it is that you’re really a postman. It’s like turning up at where you thought your office was, only to discover that your office is actually on the moon.
  It is not part of the job, it’s the opposite. It is being actively prevented from practicing your vocation.

  The internet is full of pages of feel-good advice for writers getting rejected. My MA even has a hand-out (listing how many times great books were rejected). None of it adds up to much.

  Of course, people say that as a new writer if you don’t find a way of dealing with rejection you’ll end up going insane… But little thought has been given to whether or not this is actually a more practical solution to the problem of rejection letters.
  Go mad, go stark raving mad. You were halfway there when you thought writing was a good career choice, why not go the rest of the way? Better mad than stupid.

 ”We must imagine Sisyphus happy” says Camus… Im inclined to agree. But he can’t be happy because he actually thinks that pushing a rock up and down a hill all day is a practical activity, or because he suspects it’ll pay off really. No, we must imagine him happy, but know that he is probably bonkers.

"Dear Mr Sisyphus, thank you for your rock, unfortunately it is not what we're looking for at this time.

Zombie Anton Wilson – 5 Today

Robert Anton Wilson is five years undead today.

He co-wrote the Illuminatus Trilogy an awesome and weird set of books that introduced thousands to Discordianism, Anarchism, Forteana, counter-culture, and a whole bunch of things Wikipedia doesn’t have a name for.

Many say his books weren’t that well written, that his ideas were stark-raving mad… and those people aren’t entirely wrong, but we’re still reading them.

Farewell R.A.W, may you continue to stalk the earth and eat the brains of the living.

Unexploded Truths…

WELL!

Here it is, my brand new blog, Unexploded Truths.
  I know what you’re thinking, you already spend so much time reading and re-reading the old blog and website that you’ll never have time for this one, but feat not.
  Socks of Wrath and Tall Tales Short Stories & Unexploded Truths will be wound up and this is now my all-purpose website and digital brain output.